6-21-10

Another week of AC treatment down, five to go. My appt. this week went really well. I got to answer "NO" to a lot of questions I usually answer yes to on the week after infusion. I said no to nausea, vomiting, mouth sores, diarrhea, constipation, rashes, aches and pains and loss of appetite. The only symptom that I responded yes to was fatigue. My white blood counts were low, but only marginally and they felt they had probably already bottomed out and were on their way back up from the neulasta injection. They also told me that my liver tests looked great.

My friend Jill went with me for this appt. Scot had a class he had to take at Dell. I was going to go by myself, but Jill had wanted to go with me for support and I always forget to ask the questions I have when I get in there. I thought it was probably a good idea to have someone along to remind me. We get into the exam room. Everything goes well and then Jolie, Dr. Kocs' right hand woman says to me "So, we're good? Are you out of here?" I say "Yep". Jill says, "Didn't you have some questions?" Of course, I forgot again! Then I get my questions answered and we leave and get on the elevator. I keep pushing the button and the door won't close. I push the door closing button, and it works. Jill and I are just standing there in the elevator a minute or two, then Jill reaches over and pushes the 1 button. I had been pushing the 2, the floor we were already on. How long would I have sat there on the elevator without my friend?! I am so air-headed these days! Those who know me, recognize that is not unusual, but now it's more extreme. I guess I have a lot on my mind these days keeping me from living in the moment. I guess I should try to take someone with me to all my appts. I wonder if I should even leave the house alone?! (LOL)

My parents left on Tuesday. It was wonderful to have them here. My Mom was with me for 7 weeks. She was so good about helping with the kids and getting things done around the house. What I appreciated most was having her to talk to. I can not even begin to tell you how nice it was to have my Mom and a breast cancer survivor to help me through the first difficult weeks of my chemotherapy. There are a lot of side effects associated with the treatment and my Mother was able to relate to what I was going through, which helped a lot. Besides, the physical side effects of chemo, there are a lot of mental and emotional adjustments that you go through. It occurred to me the last week that she was here that I was measuring things based on before cancer (BC) and after diagnosis (AD). I just feel so different about everything now, and I am so hyper conscious of the food, health and beauty and household products that I buy. I think about everything in terms of will it make me healthier or will it maybe cause cancer. I asked my Mom about this, and she laughed and said she thinks in terms of BC & AD still. Mom said, in her experience you don't ever go back to the way you were, but things get closer to normal the further you get from your diagnosis and treatment. Another blessing of cancer, has been bonding with my Mom and feeling closer to her than any time I can remember.

Speaking of "new normal", Braden saw a photo of me on my computer from BC. He said, you look so strange with long hair. I guess he's gotten used to to new look. I have kind of gotten used to it myself. A friend of Bradens also mentioned to his Mom "Do you remember what Braden's Mom looked like with long hair?" When my hair grows back, I will miss the ease of my wig. All I do is shake it out and stick it on. Meghan still misses my long hair. Whenever I talk about liking it and keeping it short, she gets upset. Her hair has gotten really long. I guess she is over compensating for my hair being gone. All I hope for when it comes to the return of my hair is that I have any color but gray. When I shaved it I realized just how gray it had become. I do not want to use any hair dye chemicals, so I'll either have to embrace the gray or find the least toxic hair dye.

The kids had a great week. They had a lot of "playdates" with friends and stayed really busy. They have told me though, I can no longer call these events playdates. They are too old for playdates, now they "hang out". Anyway, I will continue to try to arrange for these hang outs, because they make the hot Texas summer days a lot more enjoyable!